blink.

And in the blink of an eye, it all changes.

Something is said and it's back to the beginning.




We're talking again, and I am whole. That fracture in me is restored.
I smiled when I woke up this morning. I thought it was all a dream, but I was wrong.
No one knows how long it will be this way, but in the now I am good.
I am happy.


I am just not ready to share everything.
Maybe one day I won't write so cryptically.
But that day isn't today.

As I sit

I sit in my Dad's truck, which smells like death and 32 lbs of onions left over from the weekend, eating a not-so-healthy bunch of curly fries (yum) listening to a man sing to me who sounds as pained as I'm feeling wondering if I will ever be happy alone. When will I be happy again? Actually happy? Will I be ok just me?

Then I hear honking, a police car whiz by and a van barely pull over for it as it races by in the opposite direction . I then realize that I have next to nothing to worry about. Life will be fine. It goes on.

Huh.

It has been waaaaaay too long since I've posted.

I'd like to say that I've been too busy to post, but that would be such a fib.

I've either a.)forgotten or b.)not wanting to share.

A LOT has been happening in my life, and I think I'm almost ready to share.

Or vent.

Well, both.


Almost.

long time no type

It has been ages, I know.
I'm sure no one noticed my absense, but I wasn't feeling the blog bug. Now I'm getting it back! I need an outlet somewhere..
Things have definitely been changing a LOT lately.
I used to think for the better. But more of that later on.

I took my girls on a Youth Retreat this past weekend and they had a blast! (well, that's what they told me)
It made me so happy to have fun and being together, hopefully finding Christ somewhere along the way.
It was a great refresh for me as well. So much going through the brain, it was nice for a little relax.

Next week is the last week of normal life before a month of crazy co-op/work 12 hour days.
I'll let ya know how THAT goes.

Just wanted to let you know I'm still alive! Got a great rest of the week planned. God is great. <3

2012

I can't believe its January 7th already. A week ago we were driving up to the GTA to celebrate with our friends the start of a new year. It came and went, and so did another 6 days!

I am so ready for this new year, I am so happy with it so far!

I have been working quite a bit and although it's quiet, I do love my job. The boyfriend and I are in a very good place right now. I'm sure we were both feeling as if we were a bit touch and go for a while, we are definitely over that (thank the Lord) and I'm happier than ever. I don't know whether him/I am more forgiving, better at communication or I'm just over the little things but it's so much better.

I came in to the new year in quite a tiff with one of my good friends. When I was looking back on 2011 when we were about to ring in 2012, this argument was the only thing that I was 'regreting'. Thankfully, it has been resolved and we are also in a new, happier place I feel.

My main New Years Resolution (other than health&fitness) is communication. I will admit I was one of those girlfriends who would get very upset because 'he doesn't see that I'm mad even though I never actually said out loud that I was upset but he should be able to read my mind!'

Good one. How he put up with that I don't know.

I know now that I need to say what I'm thinking! How is anyone supposed to know what I think or how something is hurting me if I don't say it? I'm not dating a mind reader. (although most of the time he knows more what I'm trying to say than I do. Go figure) It's only fair for me to communicate. I realize that I need to do that more often. There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying what is going on! If you don't like something, say it! I know people have said it to me and it has hurt my feelings. I don't want to hurt feelings and there's a way to be polite but also be honest. I did this with my friend last night and our tiff was resolved. How much better to get it out in the open and get over it and move on! I would be very upset if we hadn't figured things out. She's one of my best friends. After talking, I think we realized that there were things we both would have done differently and I'm just glad we can move on and chalk it up as experience.

All in all I am SO ready for 2012, I'll post more about my other NYR later...hopefully I can make more positive progress towards my goal! Hopefully.

I never realized how busy Christmas time is until this year. I feel like although I've really been doing a whole lota nuthin', I'm exhausted! (Isn't that pathetic??)

We changed up our Christmas 'tradition' this year. Since it was the whole 4 of us, it seemed pointless to make a full turkey (contrary to popular belief, I cannot eat that much). So the original plan was to go out for Christmas dinner.

I know, right?

Although I love getting dressed up, going out for dinner and being fancy in general, Christmas just did not seem like the time to be doing that. I have always been home for Christmas dinner, and I didn't want that to change. And once my mom priced dinners around town, that idea got kyboshed. Phew.

So, my Mom, Dad, Gran, and me stayed in all day (except for church in the morning), lazed around, napped, played with our new toys and just hung out together. We then had the BEST Christmas dinner I've ever had in my entire life. Hands down. And to think they all wanted to go out! It was so cozy, happy and safe in my home that day, it was absolute perfection.

Also, I got a new laptop. That definitely helped.

Now I'm back to real life, unfortunately, and back to work and everyday life. I've picked up extra hours starting today covering vacations and the leaving of an employee. At first I was happy; Christmas put me into quite a bit of debt. Now? I just wanna bum around and do nothing!! Of course. This always happens. Weeks before I end up on Christmas vacation, I have the highest hopes for my time off; organizing clothes, donating excess, cleaning out closets, "spring" cleaning everything. What have I done?? Been sucked into the world of reality television and eaten waaaay more than I imagined humanly possible. (I've also gained 4 lbs since my birthday. That's the one reason I hate the holidays) Other than my lack of getting nothing done, I had a fantastic Christmas and holiday. Now on to New Year's!

I've been feeling a lot of pressure from family and been asked a lot by friends and acquaintences what I plan on doing in April after I graduate. And you think I have a freaking clue?! My Gran was giving me her usual talk, and this time she actually made sense (I hate when that happens). She said I should;

                Take a year off, do online/nightschool, and figure out what to do whenever you want.

Huh. I never thought of that.

I could take time to work my behind off, make lotsa moolah, let the wind take me wherever it leads, and go from there, wherever that is. That's the smartest thing I've heard all year! So that's my new plan. For today.

Another thing I'm concerned with right now is my health. Like I mentioned earlier, I've gained 4 lbs, when I didn't really have 4 lbs to gain. I have been so unhappy with myself lately that I guess I am eating the feelings 'away'....but they're still there. I thought I was doing fine, but I've been lying to myself this whole time. My main New Year's Resolution this year will definitely be taking better care of myself, because my body is making it very obvious that she is NOT happy with me. But that's a whole other story.

Happy New Year, internet! 

busy busy busy busy, all day long i'm in a whirl

This has been an intense few days! With Youth Group, work, Work Christmas Party, Church, Dad's work Christmas dinner, and planning the Youth Christmas dinner (which is tomorrow may I add...)  I feel like my eyes are spinning.

And tonight isn't even a night of catch-up!

Well I'm hanging out with the boyfriend, going to Niagara Falls to see the Festival of Lights, so I guess that doesn't count as being "busy". But still.

I cannot WAIT for the Youth Christmas Party tomorrow evening. I have learned 2 very important things while planning this little shindig in the past 2 days...

1. I love my girls in this Youth Group more than I love my books. (and that's saying something)

2. I have a ridiculously large amount of love for planning parties.

Could this be another career option??

I love the Christmas theme, and I've gotten so many cute little Christmas inspirations, gifts for the girls, and just everything Christmas-y, Wednesday I'll have to post pictures! (If I ever learn how.)

Just a short post today, but I'm just getting a chance to catch my breath.

Tomorrow will be full of party prep, cooking, baking, signing cards and making a little soundtrack for some background noise, I think I'll be too pooped to peep by the end. So you'll definitely hear from me Wednesday.

Unless I have some divine intervention before then.    Which I'm doubting.    But you never can tell.